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1
German Piss Bar www.tinyurl.com/pb77bp
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2
OMG i was saying how i couldn't afford the gas to fly daddy's jet to the riviera this summer, and this barista totally rolled her eyes at me
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3
I love how some dudes hate me for dating their fantasy girl, as if they were going to if I hadn't.
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4
I gave my cleaning lady a raise today, even though she didn't ask, as my own little contribution to fighting the recession.
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5
Went to the gym this morning. As I left, everyone said I was the best!
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6
228 this morning. Rock-hard abs. Looking good. I'd fuck myself if I were flexible enough.
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7
The people who say I'm arrogant and shallow don't see me when I'm at home with my wife. Did I mention that she's a former swimsuit model?
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8
Fucked up the Benz today! 2nd car in a month! Its ok tho sushi & sake with my bestie roxy!
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9
All I want is just one day a year when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties.
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10
Girl at the gym was checking me out, I could tell she wanted me. A Philly 8, but she had sweaty arm pits. I don't date girls that sweat.
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11
Look, Im not saying Im better at tweeting than you, Im just saying.. 120 people care what i say, about 30 care what you say @MatthewDonnelly
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12
Kudos to @BananaRepublic for having the perfect little black dress for a wedding AND in a size double zero petite! :)
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13
Dear terrible barista: if the latte I'm drinking is burning my tongue, you did it wrong. Next time, let's not scald the milk.
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14
If you weren't on Twitter in 2007 you are NOT an authority on social media. At all.
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15
Watching a LOT of fashion mistakes go past whilst waiting for the bus. This is why I don't use public transport.
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16
I put my pants on just like the rest of you - one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I win Adjunct Professor of the Year Awards.
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17
LOL. Which one of you lesser people put me on "tweetingtoohard.com"? *pout*
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18
this morning i passed what i thought was a calvin klein ad, but it was just a mirror...how WEIRD!
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19
Got my car back from the mechs, ug. Ah well, the price you pay for an over 200k car.
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20
Great, now any douchebag with $1199 can say they have a MacBook Pro. Not backing this.
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21
A great business man once said: "The more money you have, the better person you are." That great business man was me.
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22
Akward situation #6012: u run into the dancer u slept with last night while she's busy giving a lap dance
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23
Attention all my followers: Sorry if I am not following you back. Give me a reason to do so.
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24
it's so life-affirming when the poor fall in love.
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25
My Brand Management prof just told me when she read my brand launch strategy she thought I didn't even need to do the masters program! :-)
