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1
i kid you not, i have a follower who is only following britney spears, russell brand, kim kardashian, gossip girl, and me.
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2
it's so life-affirming when the poor fall in love.
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3
this morning i passed what i thought was a calvin klein ad, but it was just a mirror...how WEIRD!
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4
OMG i was saying how i couldn't afford the gas to fly daddy's jet to the riviera this summer, and this barista totally rolled her eyes at me
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5
i am tired, lonely, cranky & coffeeless this tuesday morning. it's a bad sign when the bungalows @ school remind you of a concentration camp
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6
RT @chll @babesmcphee this morning i passed what i thought was a calvin klein ad, but it was just a mirror..how WEIRD! LA people are insane!
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7
dear men in general: please stop killing my lady boners. thank you in advance. love, me
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8
some angry guy just told me he could chop wood on my cheekbones...seriously? is that the best you can do? "you've got great cheekbones!"
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9
holy cow, people!!! my tweet got top billing in TIME MAGAZINE! unreal! http://bit.ly/sW9bt
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10
evil wizard teacher who has a crush on me, to me: "the problem isn't your alarm clock, doll! the problem is YOU!" thank you, kreskin.
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11
dear democracy in iran: i still support you and everything, but that green is just too wonky. don't you have anything in an earth tone?
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12
*sigh* what did i just agree to? a shrewd business woman i am not. but i'd rather be classy than rich, apparently.
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13
so in love with marz's wife, tennille, right now. they totally had an argument about me that was not unrelated to online porn.
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14
i wonder how my life would be different today if back in the day i'd trained for the miss penn competition instead of apply to grad schools.
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15
last night i dreamed some losery guy was majorly after me and everyone wanted it and i was like oh gawd...then we had the same ring tone...
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16
because of whatever spam filters they've instituted on twitter, i have now passed my 420th follower about four times...and now will again.
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17
damn that checkout lady was suspicious...but all that matters is, i made it out with the booze! woo! my fake license rawks.
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18
i think the best part about being my dog must be getting to see me naked all the time.