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    johncmayer profile picture

    Got my blue Land Rover Defender back. Those who have roof racks must remember they have them when pulling into municipal parking garages.

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  3. 2
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    Rare, but when you write a song and record it within 6 hours, you sort of listen to it as a gift. Like getting to know a different you.

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  4. 3
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    Hey, it's weird. Know what else is? Two homes. Millions of fans. Getting to be an artist for life. I think I'll jump on the treadmill. :)

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  5. 4
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    So you see, though filled with deep emotional voids that can never be filled, Showbiz Types are an important part of our Nation's tapestry.

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  6. 5
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    I'm a Showbiz Type. (cue penny whistle and marching drums) But I am not a douche!! (of 1,090,466, seventeen stand and applaud wildly)

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  7. 6
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    Ryokan - a traditional japanese hotel. Paper doors. Tatami mats. Garden. Rain. Thunder. Miles Davis. Scotch. Notebook. Soul on 10.

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    I am contractually obligated through Empire Leisure, GmbH to post at least one tweet a day. So here it is, you humps!

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    @SmeltzieLA You, sir, are shallow and pedantic. - (love that...) We must hang soon.

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  10. 9
    JohnCMayer profile picture

    I love how some dudes hate me for dating their fantasy girl, as if they were going to if I hadn't.

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    JohncMayer profile picture

    I will not tinker with my loins. I will go back to sleep, but I will not tinker with my loins. Sto- no. NO. No tink- STOP thinking about it.

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    The ultimate live tweet: peeing in a club bathroom, but not without facing the mirror and mugging as if to say "hey, you're doing great."

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    Last year P!nk kneed me in the nuts outside Chateau Marmont. I was pissing blood for days. Did I make a scene?

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    johncmayer profile picture

    Can somebody please call Amex and get me a replacement card?

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    http://bit.ly/197ITg I am but a vessel for inspiration. Every idea must be investigated or I have neglected the gift. (I am an idiot.)

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  16. 15
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    70% of People.com readers said they would not date me. By the numbers: 13m site viewers-86% female= 11.1m-70% 'no' = 3.33m who WOULD!!

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  17. 16
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    I'm always tempted to speak Japanese to the staff at Sushi restaurants, but I imagine that's got to be extremely annoying desu.

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    My dad is in the studio making production notes on my vocals. Normally a no-no but he is technically the most executive of producers.

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    There's nothing like clubbing with your business manager. You can turn a table upside down and then be like, "pay for that."

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    This is the cutest tweet ever. Hi. RT @Kruleheart Eatin lunch by myself, but listening to @johncmayer, so i dont feel alone.

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  21. 20
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    I've got two women texting me they want to come over. What's that, Modern Warfare 2? You understand me? Done. Night, ladies!!!

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    I wish the mob were still around. "Mr.Mayer would prefer you not photograph him today," or "Mr.Mayer has taken a shining to your wife."

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  23. 22
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    Youtube: "This video is no longer available due to your high level of personal interest in wanting to see it."

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  24. 23
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    It started as an attempt to not let the waves of criticism get to me, but it's gotten out of hand and I've created somewhat of a monster.

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  25. 24
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    Re: 420, I don't smoke pot anymore. I just pay a dude 50 bucks to come over, press lightly on my chest and tell me all my ideas are awesome.

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